Al Switzler, one of the authors of Crucial Conversations, gave a presentation to our stake a year ago and talked about our tendency to create stories to explain people’s behavior, but often our stories are far from the truth. I read the book and discovered that he was referring to chapter six, titled, Stories Create Feelings. Here is an excerpt from the chapter:
“Just after we observe what others do and just before we feel some emotion about it, we tell ourselves a story. That is, we add meaning to the action we observed. To the simple behavior we add motive. Why were they doing that? We also add judgment – is that good or bad? And then, based on these thoughts or stories, our body responds with an emotion. (CC; 98)
I thought of this when I came across this passage in chapter 20 of the famous book, Rebecca:
“They were all fitting into place, the jig-saw pieces. The odd strained shapes that I had tried to piece together with my fumbling fingers and they had never fitted…It seemed incredible to me now that I had never understood. I wondered how many people there were in the world who suffered, and continued to suffer, because they could not break out from their own web of shyness and reserve, and to their blindness and folly built up a great distorted wall in front of them that hid the truth. This was what I had done. I had built up false pictures in my mind and sat before them. I had never had the courage to demand the truth. Had I made one step forward out of my own shyness Maxim would have told me these things four months, five months ago. “(260)
So, Mrs. De Winters discovered that she had created a false picture/story and just needed to communicate better to get the truth. Crucial Conversations comes to the same sort of conclusion: “Since we and only we are telling the story, we can take back control of our own emotions by telling a different story. We now have a point of leverage or control. If we can find a way to control the stories we tell, by rethinking or retelling them, we can master our emotions and, therefore, master our crucial conversations.” (CC; 99)
Between you and Trenadoll, I don't know what book to check out next. Did you read Switzler's entire book, and would you recommend it? It seems loosely associated with Hayden White's "The Historical Text as Literary Artifact".
ReplyDeleteI read "Crucial Conversations" for a management class and it is actually a quick read. It's a pretty good book with some good points, and it never hurts to know what literature is out there on how to have crucial conversations. I probably got more out of Switzler's presentation than the book, but that is because I read the book really quickly. I have never read "The Historical Text as Literary Artifact"; is it a good one?
ReplyDelete